Apprenticeship to Love: Meditations on this Path to Authentic Relationship, September 25
• Today’s questions: How do I allow myself to fall through this moment of not-in-balance, allowing myself to feel it all, and hold myself, somehow knowing and trusting my inner compass to guide me through?
• Today's suggested practice: Day 24 of this month's practice, to practice to receive (see my "Short Practice to Receive,” below)
• My practice today: 4:30am: 75 minutes: Yogic postures, mantra, Meditation for Revitalization of the Heart Centre.
• My vulnerability practice: Feeling attack, the impulse to defend, to protect, and breathing into and allowing myself to be vulnerable, tender to their hurt and fear...
In marriage & in tango, “balance” is prized.
But in tango we know this: nothing happens there. It is a moment, a pause in our dance.
The movement —and the beauty!— happens as we, and especially the feminine (follow) is guided, allowed to fall “through” that moment of balance, & into another moment of the dance.
We are always improvising —in tango, in love, in life. And yes, in our marriage.
We may pause in the moment of balance (one of the beauties of tango is the attention to pausing, “breaking momentum” to borrow from Stephen Jenkinson) to enjoy that magical moment when everything feels “right,” aligned. But we are choosing to die there. We are not letting the dance (or love, or life —or our marriage!) die there. Instead —and this is our sacred art of husbandry, to know the moment to break the balance &, step forward into the unimaginable beauty (& sorrow!) of what the next falling in/out/through balance brings…
And so in this magical moment when light & dark, when masculine & feminine, when alpha & omega and all the polarities are balanced, we pause. Breathe. Feel our magic and our commitment to our art, our dance, and we gather the strength to now plunge deeper into the unknown of this marriage, the other, ourselves.
Is it the Equinox that makes me feel these feelings, think these thoughts?
I'm always wondering: How do I experienc these celestial moments? What influence the seasons of the sun, the thirteen moons and their phases, the planets and the stars, the light and the dark? Beyond the superficial "coziness" that comes to me with the smells of autumn (often hinted at in mid-August airs), or the lightness in my step with the portent of spring as the evenings are —all of a sudden! it seems— brighter at the end of January, beyond this, How do I experience these cycles and events that are far beyond me?
I do believe it is the yoga of this life to plumb my own depths and experiences, and thereby come to experience an awareness akin to joy. Or, as recent events are showing me, anxiety. Not a rapturous joy (or a bone-chilling anxiety). But maybe deeper. Quieter. More thorough?
In keeping with this moment of the Equinox —a solar balance of dark and light— that we are just passing through, it isn't balance I seek, but the pleasure of feeling it, really knowing it in my body.
But right now I'm feeling so far off balance as I wonder at how some of my writing stirs anger and fear and mistrust amongst readers... Another experience. Another aspect of the divine feminine movement in my life, showing me something that only this imbalance can show me.
After reading Kendra Cunov on balance I wrote to my beloved:
Every few days or weeks, I find myself falling in love with you.
I’ve told you how good it feels to love you. To learn to open my heart against expectations, to just feel how big this heart can be. But I haven’t spoken of the ebb and flow, of vulnerability & sensitivity & confidence & insecurity. What is constant is my commitment, to loving you. Because I know that through this commitment I experience more & more of the man I love, more & more of the woman I love. And always, the falling…
AN EXCERPT FROM TODAY’S INSPIRATIONS
🌀Blessed Equinox, When Darkness & Light meet each other in perfect balance.
When Darkness & Light turn towards each other an realize both need to be seen, honoured & respected. When the Light realized it can not exist without Darkness and vice versa. When they realize they are Whole, Beautiful, & Complete, when they have each other & dance with each other! (Fabiola Perez)
🌀 If you want to live your life in balance, you must fall in love with falling. (Kendra Cunov)
🌀I want to be seen. I want to be accepted as I am. And loved for that. (My beloved, my Oracle & Siren)
TODAY'S SUGGESTED PRACTICE
Day 25 of this month's practice, to receive:
Please read through first, then ...
- Today, set two alarms, one for the early part of your day, one for mid-late afternoon when you may be feeling low energy.
- When the alarm sounds, wherever and however you are, take three, five, 11, or 30 minutes to do this short practice:
- When you’re done, sit or stand for another minute or two, breathing gently, slowly filling and emptying your belly. Here, as you breathe into your fullness, ask yourself, How do I allow myself to fall through this moment of not-in-balance, allowing myself to feel it all, and hold myself, somehow knowing and trusting my inner compass to guide me through?
- Notice if your body-mind feels somehow changed. And whether you notice a change or not, be content with yourself, exactly as you are in this moment.
- Continue with your day until the next alarm sounds, and repeat.
- If you want to talk about your experience, or your resistance, or about anything, please set up a short (15-minute) chat for Zoom: sacredbodies.ca/chat.
- It may not be enough, but it'll be a start. And that's always a good thing.