★ FREE for #apprenticeshiptolove subscribers: at 11am, Wednesday April 12 I will be hosting a second live conversation with men's coach Leroy Gordon on the topic of "men's work and the four archetypes." (If you're not already a subscriber or a SacredBodies.ca alumnus, consider becoming of the 1000 early readers. Free chapters; discounts on SacredBodies.ca workshops, trainings, retreats; and more.)
- Today’s questions: What am I afraid of today? At what threshold do I hesitate? What step am I unwilling to take? Where am I protecting my heart from its blossoming?
- Today's suggested practice: Day 9 of this month's practice, to notice where I stand, & who I am afraid to invite to stand with me.
- My practice: 2am: 30 minutes of Becoming Thyself & Being You meditation
- My vulnerability practice: I feel this emptiness on the other side of the threshold, knowing it is only stepping over and into this emptiness that will open me to experience it as everything and all that is unimaginable on this side...
Hans Peter Meyer
I choose to open my heart to the persistent vulnerabilities of love, because it is more painful to wither and die a dry husk of myself, than to feel this endless heartbreak.
I choose to know myself as a powerful and penetrative presence in the world, because I’ve too long denied myself Her beauty.
I choose to consider my death as the reminder to risk everything to know love and beauty more deeply, because I am done eating this life on safety.
I choose to dance tango, not because I am particularly good at it, but because I need a way to engage with Her —with the always-pouring-forth of Her generousity— that is purely artful, without artifice or strategy.
I choose to teach, because I don’t want to see or hear or know that you are wasting your life in safety…
Love. Sex. Death.
I am held, my whole life, whether I choose to acknowledge it or not, I am held in love.
Just to relax and allow myself to experience this holding. To trust this ocean that I've spent my whole life resisting or denying or simply numbing myself from feeling. What else is this path I walk and teach but the awakening to self, held in love, with the capacity to feel all of this love?
And all the adornments of love that I've chased all of this life, all of it more or less reduceable to a primitive notion and a truncated experience of what sex can be —what of this? Is it not important? Is it a distraction?
More and more it is both more and more, and less and less.
I was once told, by a tango teacher who'd been teaching and dancing for longer than I'd been alive, that tango resonates because it is about heartbreak. And all of us, she said, know heartbreak.
And so, tango is about death. For what is heartbreak but the experience of ending that cannot be undone. Cannot be healed. Mended, perhaps? With the filigree of gold that tells us we are more beautiful for having been vulnerable to breakage, to admitting death into our lives?
As the singer mournfully sings in the tango song, Milonga Sentimental, "Tal vez..." Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
So, dance! And dancing I trust myself to step forward into the abyss —foolishly! With an open heart! With a dog or two (or even three) at my side!— and know that I am carried by love into the unimaginable beyond all dying, all ending, all goodbyes to be (and, as it is Easter Monday as I write this) resurrected into more than myself, but always myself.
Take that step. Cross that threshold. Surrender your heart to be broken open that you may know how beautiful —and powerful!— you are. That you may know the blessing you are to this moment. A blessing only known when you are broken open.
Know this and step across that threshold. It is an endless dance we dance. It is for our pleasure, not just our sacrifice.
🌀You deserve nothing. (Kendra Cunov)
🌀The Conscious Warrior makes death an ally, using it to sharpen his present actions, future plans, and current state of being. (John Wineland, Precept 11)
🌀…your human experience is a gift to be spent from the soul's perspective — the perspective of its true nature...a drop of great water in the ocean of love.... measure up to this measureless task of being a soul in a human body, and in this way, ... become a ruler for others to measure up to. Teach by example; lead with your discipline, become conscious of your breathing more often, and begin to connect with the much larger numbers beyond measure. (Guru Singh und Guruperkarma Kaur)
🌀You are beautiful. (My beloved, my Oracle & Siren)
🌀Now, the practice of yoga begins. (Patanjali, Yoga Sutra 1.1)
TODAY'S SUGGESTED PRACTICE
Day 6 of this month's practice:
Please read through first, then ...
- Today, again, set three alarms randomly scattered through your day, but one before noon, one in the afternoon, and one in the evening.
- When the alarm sounds, wherever and however you are, stand still. Take a deep breath, and slowly, oh so slowly exhale. Feel into your usual tension places (ie. Belly, shoulders, top of chest, etc) and notice: What am I afraid of today? At what threshold do I hesitate? What step am I unwilling to take? Where am I protecting my heart from its blossoming?
- Wherever you find yourself standing, let your breath be long and deep, longer and deeper (through your nostrils, deep into your belly, a little slower on each exhale) for three breaths. Just three breaths.
- Notice if your body-mind feels somehow changed.
- Continue with your day until the next alarm sounds, and repeat.
Ps. Thank you for reading. If this stirs you in some way, I’d love to know how. Drop a comment or send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org —or set up a short, no-charge Zoom chat at sacredbodies.ca/chat