LOVE & FRIENDSHIP & HAPPINESS
Daily Meditation, Inspirations, and Practices for the Sacred Masculine, November 21
- NOTE: The “Feminine Vulnerability” co-ed conversation with Katrine K of DarkFeminineDesire.no is now available on the podcast at sacredbodies.ca/podcast
- Today's suggested practice: Day 21 of this month's practice... (see below)
- My playlist while writing today's meditation: the noise of the furnace fan, the dryer tumbling… the household cacophony
- My morning practice: 7am: 30 minutes yogic practice, including Heart Hum meditation
- My vulnerability practice: I’m nursing a mild cold, a gift from my granddaughter, and wondering, What happens when I unwrap this gift?
Hans Peter Meyer
I was recently a participant —a listener only— on an international meeting about men’s health. The focus: the staggeringly high incidence of suicide among men (in Canada, between 75-80% of suicides are men; we are approximately 49% of the population; similar numbers for the UK and USA).
What was interesting was that the experts in the event panel cited men-to-men friendship as one of the best ways to answer these statistics. Sadly, recent research on men and friendship shows that, overall, we’re not doing so well on this front either. A couple of decades ago men surveyed had about three “good friends.” A recent follow up survey had most men at less than one “good friend.” More on this later.
Warning: today’s missive wanders, pulling at themes raised by yesterday’s International Men’s Day, conversations I’ve had with some of my “good friends” who are men, reflections on the Vancouver Island Menswork Retreat last weekend.
… I count myself as lucky —and smart— when it comes to men friends. There was a moment, in my early 30s, after my BFF had died of cancer, that I realized I was alone. Alone in a very challenging situation: tough marriage, young kids, unstable career/work future, etc. Not so different from what I see a lot of young men facing. But now I had no man as a “good friend.”
This was important. This man had been with me through a lot in my 20s and early 30s. He’d listened. He’d opened his heart. He’d held mine. We’d laughed. Swum. Sung. Had the occasional beer, but ours was not a drinking friendship. It was probably the first “good friendship” I had. And I missed him.
It’s 30 years later. I have seven men who I can count on. I’m lucky —and smart. Because I *knew* I needed solid men in my life, and I put the pieces together. It took a few years. But my happiness today is dependent on these friendships.
I love these men. They know me. They are straight with me, but I don’t expect them to be my teachers or my accountability partners. I do expect them to hang out with me when I’m down. And I expect them to hang out with me when they’re down. And when we’re up! It’s not just for the misery.
There have been times when I’ve had more women than men as friends. I’m glad to say that this is no longer the case. Not that women haven’t been (and still are) important friends to me. It’s just that I need to simplify things. And with women there’s always the temptation to get “leaky.” It’s happened. I’ve been leaky. I’ve allowed lines to be crossed, things to get fuzzy. Nobody is happy when that happens. I don’t like being “out of integrity” like that, and I work on keeping things clear now. I see a lot of men struggle with this. They’ve got warm hearts, a lot of “feminine energy,” and it feels safer in a woman-friendship. All I can say is, Be careful.
One of my good men friends recently asked, viz this unconventional relationship that fuels so much of my love these days, “Isn’t this more of a friendship?”
Not at all, I said. Because I’m very clear that this is about polarity. I feel myself drawn to my masculine depth, as she expresses a deeply feminine depth in response. Very different from friendship.
My men friends, and again, I am lucky and smart to have them, are a source of love, happiness, conversation, depth. But the love I feel for them has no compare to what I experience with the woman I consider my Siren, my Oracle, my Beloved.
“But,” this friend said, challenging me, “Is she not a friend to you?”
No, I replied. With her there is only the sharp edge of her knife as Chinnamasta, or the wet & shimmering radiance of her submission.
Here, happiness reveals itself in my sacrifice, my complete and utter obliteration. Here, I am happy to be fully surrendered in service as the husbandman to her blossoming.
🌀I see you doing it. (My beloved, my Oracle & Siren)
🌀 ...a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust.... ( Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet)
🌀 When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory. (Nietzsche)
TODAY'S SUGGESTED PRACTICE
Day 21 of this month's practice, take 1 minute today to sit and listen to, or chant, the deep Aum (Om) mantra... The “universal sound”…
Please read through first, then ...
• Today, sit (or stand) in stillness as you listen and chant, or simply listen to this mantra, let this question stir within you…. Who are my friends? Who polarizes me? Are they the same, or are they different?
• Begin by closing your eyes and aligning your body into its truest, most elegant posture, tucking your chin to lift your heart, tilting your pelvis to straighten your spine. Become still, more still than you've ever been. Your alignment is the physical training for trustworthiness. Bring your hands to your heart, right (masculine) over left (feminine).
• Focus on feeling the vibration. That is all.
• Set your timer for 1 minutes or listen to the mantra sung by Sad Guru here: https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxyG7B0jR_kH8VHLIUixJH6bABoGRAFBKu (I recommend setting your timer for 11 minutes and having this on repeat).
• As the timer signals or the mantra ends allow your eyes to slowly open. Take three, relaxed breath cycles, no pressing, no effort, and feel yourself full, without thoughts, open. Safe to receive. Then, step into your day, letting the mantra echo as a nourishing vibration whenever you become still. You don't need to DO anything. Let the world come to you with its demands, its complaints, and yes, its endless tide of gifts and blessings.✨
Ps. Early bird registration is now open for the next Basic Six: Path of the Sacred Masculine, Part I online nervous system training for men. Please share this with men who give a sh*t. FMI https://www.sacredbodies.ca/lite/basicsix