photo © darkfemininedesire
- Today's suggested practice: Day 19 of seven minutes to be still, be called to ... (see below)
- My playlist while writing today's meditation: Anouar Braden, Leila au pays du carrousel
- My morning practice: 60 minutes with warm-up, Linking with the Infinite mantra and pranayama, followed by Solving Communication Problems kriya
- My vulnerability practice: Open myself to this gift of trust, this silent calling from my oracle to just be...
—Hans Peter Meyer
TODAY'S MEDITATION Her trust leads me. Her trust leads me to lead her as she yearns to be led. But her trust is not a call to action…
And so I sit with this gift of trust and I desire —action! Words! Something! To just sit with this gift, almost unbearable. I am so afraid to be so trusted. It seems too much just as it is... I am afraid. So much self-doubt. So much readiness to fail.
"You are not like that now," she told me, through tears. Relieved, perhaps, that slowly, I come to know myself as she has always known me, always experienced me failing myself. Failing her.
I have a choice: to trust my insecurities...or this oracle, my beloved.
I practice. I write. I train my nervous system to better receive Her nourishment. Yesterday, Her nourishment: the silence of my beloved, itself a call not-do. To just be in my powerful presence, sufficient to myself. Yesterday, Her nourishment: a devotional, words from a writer who so often tears me open with her vulnerability, her raging expression of feminine longing to be penetrated, held, known, allowed. So raw and so wild and so wet. And in her words a call to receive, and reading it a feeling of being overwhelmed with the awful responsibility to be deemed that worthy of her vulnerability. My body shuddering. Tears streaming. Afraid to trust myself this much.
How easy it would be to shrug off this call to be the man she sees? She needs. She yearns for.
"I never thought I'd come to you like this," my beloved, speaking her own prayer to a penetrating, protective clarity she knows in me but had not felt in her body. Until these days of knowing my regret and knowing her sacrifice ...
This culture of ours. It allows us, as men, to be forever less than ourselves. We may dress up as husbands and lovers and warriors and kings and leaders etc. We may be playful, sometimes. Achieving and doing, always. Responsible with our sexual energies, rarely. This energy that is so much more than the play of our bits with hers, so much more, that she feels and knows but cannot tell us because we can only know it by being who we are in our bodies before we know, in our minds, who we are. Paradoxes that plague our desire for certainty and the ‘how-to-manual” of life. Her trust and her mystery and her needs the anything but “how-to,” the frustrating poetry by which we come to know how to be still and beautiful. Her desire is not a call to action. And I am so frustrated, so impatient. So desperate for a call to action…
I am not a warrior. I am not here to do battle, to conquer.
I am here to sit. To allow myself to become so still that I embody this trust she knows in me. I am here to be the God I am, to dance with the Goddess she is. I begin by trusting her, to always be changing, always be testing, always be beyond me, to be my Oracle with her silence and her confusion and her always-birthing-the-new. Seeing her divinity I come to know my own, I come to know the man I am. The man I am afraid to be.
I am not a warrior, and this is not a call to action.
TODAY’S INSPIRATIONS 🌀To create relationship requires resonance. To create passion requires différence, polarity. (unknown)
🌀The key to an agreement is resonance, not reasoning. Our prayer is that you resonate with this. (Guru Singh and Guruperkarma Kaur, Tap in, Align, Resonate)
🌀Deep bow to the healthy masculine …a deep and heart felt thank you... To read these masculine meditations and to feel into the deep love is just melting me and soothing me in ways I can't describe.
…Thank you for stepping up and stepping in. For doing the work to know yourself better. To be emotional open and available. To do the hard work, to dare to take an honest look on your shadows and wounds. I have so much respect for every man that shows up with courage and honesty. Human. Man. Warrior. Poet. Husband. Son. Lover. Mystic. I honour you in every role and every walk of life. Know that you are loved, appreciated, and respected. Thank you. I love you. (K, Dark Feminine Desires)
🌀For the Masculine: Stop hoping for a completion in anything in life. (David Deida, Way of the Superior Man)
🌀I never thought I’d come to you like this. (My beloved, my Oracle)
TODAY'S SUGGESTED PRACTICE Day 19 of this month's practice, seven minutes to be the divine man or woman you are, in your body...
Please read through first, then ...
- If you don't have the Mera Man Loche on iTunes https://is.gd/uqOxd8 you'll find it here on YouTube:
As yesterday, listen to these words that you likely don't know. Be foolish enough to know these words speaking of longing and sacrifice and devotion and awareness as the vibrations of sound that help you feel yourself...
- Align yourself while sitting. Let your body settle. Let your spine be drawn upward out of your pelvis. Breathe slowly through your nostrils, deeply into your belly, letting it soften, become round. As you exhale, gently pulling up with what is called a "root lock," pulling up from your perineum, sex organs, navel, and drawing this receding breath up through your body and out through your nose.
- Turn the music on and close your eyes.
- Feel the solidity of your body... feel it moving.... feel it becoming ever more still, ever more able to receive breath and stillness and awareness... In this moment you are enough. In this moment you are as large and as small, as perfect as imperfect as it is possible to be... In this moment you are everything, and nothing. In this moment you are held by awareness (God). In this moment you are the flow of life and love (Goddess). Breathe. Be still. Feel it all. You are doing everything, and nothing.
- Feel the solidity of your body. Feel the fluidity and impossibility of your body. You are everything. You are nothing. You are breathing. You are holding space for the body that is breathing... You are breathing.... You are the creator and you are the creation of this moment... Your stillness, your breath, the endless tango of the divine masculine and the divine feminine, leading each other deeper into all of who you are, nothing and everything...
- As the song ends, relax your eyes and bring your awareness back to your breath. Take three gentle, relaxed breath cycles, without effort, and let your feeling of everything/nothing be exhaled... Now, open your eyes and step into your day. Notice how your deepened energy as everything/nothing dances its way through your work, your play, your rest... Enjoy yourself. You are beautiful.