NOTE: I’ve started to observe the Rauhnächte, the 12 days between the Winter Solstice and January 3. This has always been a special time for me, for many reasons. Some of these may become clear to you, dear reader —and perhaps also more clear to me, the writer!— as we travel through these dark days, these beloved dark days… and as I write these short “songs” to this time “between the years.”
- Listening to: Wojciech Kilar, Agnus Dei https://music.apple.com/ca/album/agnus-dei/1592054442?i=1592054453
RAUHNACHT’S LIED 8: PLEASE FORGIVE ME
How do I carry this heaviness? On my shoulders, the patrimony of a culture whose most grievous sin is to pretend ignorance of Her gifts?
I read recently that originally, sin in the Abrahamic tradition (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) was very specific, and applied to worshipping any other god than the “one true god.”
As I walk these dark forests I am ever more aware of our collective sin, worshipping any other goddess than the one true goddess of life and love and eternal-becoming.
Forgive me, for I have sinned. I was raised in sin, and I have participated in the sinning, and only Her patience helps me to carry this weight.
I am walking these dark woods. The rain is falling. Snow turning to slush under my feet as I wander. Glasses are foggy. My eyes dim. My heart feeling the patient pain of Her undoing, Her becoming, always becoming more. Despite these sins.
The world around me is wet. A world of trees and swamps and thickets. Shades of brown and white. A world of Her wilderness, pierced by this remnant of conquest. Of rape. Undoing. The discarded earthwork of the logging railway threading through it all, becoming absorbed by Her always-becoming and always-redeeming love.
I’ve been wandering these traces through the forest all of my life. Since childhood. Discovering for myself the evidence of Her antiquity, the ancient forest, in the tombstones left behind. Massive markers. Testaments to the towering silence that once marched here. Enchanting me, ever since childhood. New World Märchen that began the lessons… Before I too joined the company of men raping and wresting dollars from the slaughter of the giants.
Am I walking for redemption? Do I sit at the feet of new giants, meditating for redemption? Am I listening for redemption in this new silence?
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
And thank You for these temples, these stands of Douglas Fir and Western Red Cedar and Western Hemlock that are a new cathedral, the now-holy places where I find myself. And finding myself most of all in these darkest days, these wet and slushy sepia days between the years.
Please accept this penance as I walk & sit & listen on these conquistador highways, these now-holy paths.
What is the story of this place? What ancient & unimaginable wisdom flourishes here in silence?
I listen for Her as my feet feel their way through the tangles of conquest and destruction, towards forgiveness, perhaps. Redemption, perhaps. Feeling the weight, and wondering, How do I carry this burden? How do I lift it from the men who suffer and choose to visit this suffering on Her again and again because they cannot bear this weight, this sin of unknowing?
Tell me, How?
A sincere apology, true forgiveness, and absolute gratitude are the three components of the base triad of human excellence. When this triad orbits your being you expose your true self to everyone else. This is vital for you to become truly you. (Guru Singh & Guruperkarma Kaur)
The Conscious Warrior is continuously refining his deepest purpose through dedicated time in solitude and in the company of other conscious men. (John Wineland, Precept 10)
NVITATION TO CHAT:
What are these darkest days, these most enchanting and holy days, what are they stirring in you? I’d love to hear!