Apprenticeship to Love: Daily Meditation, Inspirations, and Practices for Authentic Relationships, August 22, 2023
• Today’s question: Can you feel it, this pulse of energy between your awareness and the sensations that the world gives you?
• Today's suggested practice: Day 21 of this month's practice, to practice for yourself, your wants, the things you yearn for (see my "Short Practice to Relieve Anxiety,” below)
• My practice: 6am: 60 minutes: Yogic postures, mantra, and Pranayama for a Calm Heart)
• My vulnerability practice: ...
NOTE (repeated): I've recently changed platforms for these chapters. That means some things have gotten lost, including your preferences. My apologies. Please forgive me. Either upgrade your subscription to the Premium or Bronze benefits (see the "subscribe" button for details), or downgrade your subscription, as you need. Your readership is, always, appreciated.
Also, it's my "birthday month" and many things, including family & friends (part of the flow of my life), are a priority over writing. For the moment.
~Rev. Hans Peter Meyer
I am, again, on a threshold. Afraid. Curious. Wondering, Am I ready?
Always this, this not-quite-trusting of myself.
This is what I know, after years of experiencing, years of practice: To step across the threshold is to step into a deep ocean of unknown, rich with treasures, requiring me to be so much more than I think myself capable of being.
It’s so easy to succumb to the addiction to pleasure. But what if your higher purpose were to experience this life with an even deeper awareness of who & how you are, your sexuality limitless in its capacities to know this life & Her gifts? What then?
Marriages become sacred not because of the vows we make to each other. I say this as a man with many regrets over his marriages. I say this as a man who, legally & spiritually charged to guide couples across the threshold of marriage, is careful of who I guide. Are you ready for this transformation? Are you ready to come face to face with yourself as a husband, as a wife? It is the vow you make with yourself, to honour & cherish the flow of energy between you, this most holy congress, that I believe to be what makes your union & its discomforts (& yes, its pleasures) sacred.
Breathe. “Breathe and she will return,” my teacher said in the midst of the hurricane of Her terrible gifts. I know this: to breathe, and to know Her return. Still, this opening to receive, this stepping across the threshold, it's a lot to ask myself. And, it is the only thing to ask myself. Every day. Every moment. Every breath. Opening to this sacred congress with Her gifts.
I have practised "sex" in a number of its ways. Now, daily, I practise it as the subtle art of penetrating reality with my awareness, feeling the energy flow. From me, through my awareness, to Her. From Her, through Her neer-ending, always-present flow.
Even in the stillness of the garden, right now, She flows.
As the ravens' morning conversation.
As the bees busy with their summer errands.
As the neighbours massaging their lawns and my ears.
As flowers reaching for the sun.
It's endless, this cornucopia of delights.
When I am paying attention, energy moves. Between the pole of my awareness and Her constant expression of yearning.
Most of the time my "sexual attention" is truncated. Boxed in. Contrained. I can only feel her "sexy bits."
What happens now, when I can only feel and attend to that part of her that expresses itself through her breasts, her mouth, her yoni?
What happens when I limit my experience of penetration to these hands, this penis?
Not only is my sexual experience truncated and quite literally dismembered, radically limited. But so is hers. So is the flow of this energy between awareness and expression. Between He and She, Shiva and Shakti.
And, over time, I become drained and needy. She becomes drained, needy. In our different ways. Our marriage suffers. We suffer. We blame each other. We blame ourselves.
We come to our own version of the River Styx. It feels so personal. So much mine, so much hers. And yet, it is the same river of death that every one of us who commits to this crucible of marriage, it is the same river and we, all of us stand, alone in our individual crises of seeming sexlessness and lovelessness, crowded together. But alone.
We think that marriage —and sex!– is about never being alone.
We come to know that marriage —and sex!– is about the experience of deepest aloneness. If we have the courage (the heart) we cross the river, and come to know ourselves. Knowing ourselves as more than enough, and as always in relation to life and Her gifts, we beckon to our beloved, willing them to take the risk of this death, to become more than we imagined, more than they can imagine.
Will they hear us? Can they feel us? They are across the river. It is a million miles wide (1.6 million kilometers for those of us who count our distances between hearts in metric units).
(...to be continued at apprenticeshiptolove.com)
🌀 You are beautiful. (My beloved, my Oracle & Siren)
🌀Breathe and she will return. (John Wineland, from The Art of Fierce Intimacy)
🌀The inhalation, the return movement of breath,
Sustains life. The outgoing breath
These are the two poles between which respiration goes on unceasingly. Between them is every delight you could desire.
Even when the senses are turned outward,
Your attention on the external world,
Attend also to the inner throb,
The pulsing of the creative impulse within you. (from Vijnana Bhairava Tantra, yukti verse 2)
TODAY'S SUGGESTED PRACTICE
Day 21 of this month's practice:
Please read through first, then ...
Today, set a time —at least three minutes, perhaps 11 (recommended)— when you can be alone and in stillness.
• Stand or sit or lie, with a beautiful and straight spine, firm but relaxed, feeling your feet or your sit bones or hips heavy and connected to the earth;
• Close your eyes;
• Inhale deeply into your belly, letting it become soft and round;
• Exhale by gently and slowly, much more slowly than your inhale, pressing your navel to your spine,
• And listen to my guidance on this month's practice:https://www.youtube.com/shorts/qz5oXlKl5q8
When you’re done, stand or sit or lie for another minute and breathe gently, slowly filling and emptying your belly. Here, as you breathe into your fullness, ask yourself: Can you feel it, this pulse of energy between your awareness and the sensations that the world gives you? This is the sacred sexual congress that you are capable of experiencing at any moment, should you choose...
Notice if your body-mind feels somehow changed. And whether you notice a change or not, be content with yourself, exactly as you are in this moment.
Continue with your day, open to the gifts it brings.
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