- Today's suggested practice: Day 22 of this month's practice... (see below)
- My playlist while writing today's meditation: Barber, Adagio https://music.apple.com/ca/album/barber-adagio-for-strings/698837526?i=698838004
- My morning practice: 4am: 75 minutes, physical , yogic practice, including Heart Hum meditation
- My vulnerability practice: Feeling my sorrow and holding it gently, as pleasure, as beauty that I’ve resisted…
- NOTE: The most recent co-ed group conversation, “Feminine Vulnerability,” with cohost Katrine K ( darkfemininedesire.no) is now on the podcast at sacredbodies.ca/podcast
Hans Peter Meyer
VIDEOMen, consider the women —yes, women, plural— who have given birth to the man you are
This is a long and difficult meditation on solitude. On silence. Yearning. For this I practice? For this I practice. For this I give thanks, even as I complain that it is too much.
I am listening to something new, yet so familiar: Barber’s Adagio for Strings. Maybe what’s familiar is the sorrow, and how it plays in my body. And what is strange is that I am drawn to this sorrowful song. Is this the place, that moment when I am strong enough, my nervous system stable enough, that I can be called to this vulnerability and experience it as a strange yet familiar joy?
The days ahead are busier than I care to have them. I’ve gotten used to this still and silent way. Yet, again, I am being called to attend to Her, and I know that in this sacrifice of my shallow comforts She gives me everything. Know this, but how?
I am in silence for most of these past days since teaching this season’s retreat. Not enough silence, it feels like. And yet, too much silence. But: always enough.
Not absolute silence. I exchange a few words here and there. A mild cold gives me the excuse to excuse myself from people and conversations: I tell them I don’t want to pass on my sickness. I don’t. But I also don’t want to attend. I am too much for myself right now, and I need all of my attention, and do not want to afflict others with my neediness. Best to hold myself. Feel it all. Become still enough to enjoy it all…
I am also in her silence. Letting her know that I am here, without expectations (but feeling the yearning). And in that wanting in silence plumbing a deeper conversation with her, with myself.
What if I just trusted, with unreasonable knowing, what this body tells me? Not the nagging insecurity, but the persistent knowing? A knowing without words —the contracts!— that I (foolishly) think mean anything between us.
This is why I practice: to be so stable in my unreasonable knowing that I can feel these doubts as a sweet, sorrowful song in playing this body. Listening to myself become the very sweetness and tenderness of life. Falling, yet held.
The feminine in me yearns to fall, yearns to hear this song of vulnerability —to hear it, and to be held safe by my own capacity to know, to hold. To not be swayed.
It is the story of the Siren. Again. So much beauty. But always at the cost of yearning almost unbearable.
I practice to hold it bearable. To hold it beautiful.
And, holding myself in this terrible yearning and sorrow for my regrets —for these too are part of the song she sings in her silence— holding myself I become enough.
And I hold her.
And she feels her sacrifice, her sorrow, and knows that I trust, with an unreasonable knowing, for both of us.
🌀 ...a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust.... ( Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet)
🌀 …when you consistently practice and deepen your meditative skills, the brain-mind connection develops higher sensitivities that begin to expose the faint edges of these cosmic whispers.
This is the purpose of a daily practice of meditation, conscious breathing, and stretching into your yogic body-glove. Stretching, breathing, and meditating inspire you to fully occupy the life you've been gifted. This allows you to eventually navigate this spacetime of subtleties, with accuracy and confidence. The additional alchemy of this reality is -- whenever awareness takes place in one -- it's then available to everyone. (Guru Singh & Guruperkarma Kaur)
🌀The Conscious Warrior is committed to developing strength of the mind, physical body, and nervous system through dedicated physical, yogic, and meditative practice. (John Wineland, Precept 6)
🌀If I was you I wouldn’t be happy. (My beloved, my Oracle & Siren)
TODAY'S SUGGESTED PRACTICE
Day 22 of this month's practice, take 1 minute today to sit and listen to, or chant, the deep Aum (Om) mantra... The “universal sound”…
Please read through first, then ...
• Today, sit (or stand) in stillness as you listen and chant, or simply listen to this mantra, let this question stir within you…. What sorrow are you afraid to hold? Breathe and hold it, just for a moment. You are enough…
• Begin by closing your eyes and aligning your body into its truest, most elegant posture, tucking your chin to lift your heart, tilting your pelvis to straighten your spine. Become still, more still than you've ever been. Your alignment is the physical training for trustworthiness. Bring your hands to your heart, right (masculine) over left (feminine).
• Focus on feeling the vibration. That is all.
• Set your timer for 1 minutes or listen to the mantra sung by Sad Guru here: https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxyG7B0jR_kH8VHLIUixJH6bABoGRAFBKu (I recommend setting your timer for 11 minutes and having this on repeat).
• As the timer signals or the mantra ends allow your eyes to slowly open. Take three, relaxed breath cycles, no pressing, no effort, and feel yourself full, without thoughts, open. Safe to receive. Then, step into your day, letting the mantra echo as a nourishing vibration whenever you become still. You don't need to DO anything. Let the world come to you with its demands, its complaints, and yes, its endless tide of gifts and blessings.✨